"still they lead me back......"
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i have been thinking about a lot of things again today
about things that happened today
about things in general
about me
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"..and now that you don't need my help, i'll use the time, to think about myself"
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today, i went out with be and steve
did some filming, its strange that the outakes came out better than the actuall sketches,
it proved that i am dangerous in a car,
but, fuck it, i've never ever driven a car before, so what do you expect
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my mum and dad came home today from new york,
they said they had a good time, and they told me all about it
and showed me all thier pictures
it looke amazing,
my dad was showing me the pics from the helicopter ride
he, wit out knowing, had taken a "standing on the shoulders of giants" photo whihc was quite good
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went to work
work was boring tonight
in couldnt wait to get finished
loads of bloked rushig round with bunches of flowers and choclates at the last minuite of valantines day
literally all of our steak had sold out
as people were haivng romantic meals tonight,
i had a valentines meal,
well thats what we decided to call it
me and jess were on our breaks
and its "healthy eating" week,
there was loads of fruit and cereal and shit
i saw some sugar puffs (by the way....one of the most un healthiest cereals you can eat) andhad some as i haddnt had any in years
so did jess,
so we are both sitting in Asda canteen with sugar puffs on valantines night
so we said, this is our romantic meal
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read my horoscope today, and that was really really weird, it was a big fucking finger pointing literally
fucking stupid things
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looking around asdas today, all the couples walking around together hand in hand and shit
made me think about myself
i supose i am subconicouly lonley
nothing has changed, not in a long tme
its just i dont really feel it that much
but when it gets to times like now
"valantines Shite"
it makes you look at yourself
that is probably why i hate the day so much
i mean its not exactly a "relationship" or a "girlfriend" i want
that would be an ideal situation
but what would make me happy right now would be someone i could look after,
i like doing that, someone i could do everything for, and i know that that can piss some people off, it cheers me up to know that i have someone to care for, its what i love doing, loving someone
but it doesnt feel like i have that person anymore,
and i miss it,
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"....the blind leading the blind lord...."

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