fuck everything
fuck it all
fuck fuck fuck
all i can think of is FUCK
why am i so pissed off tonight
why am i so angry that i could scream
why do i feel like the incredible hulk
"you wont like me when i am angry"
fuck what!
whe i get angry i grit my teeth go red and clentch my fists
i dont lashout going around beating up ppl,
you know why ?
beacuse i cant
i am a fucking wuss
if iwas to get angry and start on someone i would get the shit beaten into me
i fucking hate me
i really fucking hate myself
i wish i could be someone else for one day
so that i could beat the shit out of me
it seems y i am angry is a cross between, jelousy, envy, anger, and self pitty
i fucking want to beat up myself to a pulp
so that i dont feel like this
i could have done something today, gone out in the rain, the fucking pouring rain
i have done it b4
i had an arguement with my dad when i was putting up some wallpaper one day so i stormed out, well it was sunny at the time
and i was wearing my england shiry and shorts
that was when i was over blackshots field and it started to fucking pour down, and cos i was so angry i couldnt be arsed to avoid it, so i just carried on walking around, i couldnt even feel the cold cos i was so angry

i dont know wheather i should shout out as loud as i can because of all this rage i have
or just break down and cry
i could do either
i havn't cryed since year 9
i can remember it like it was yesterday
i was over theameside school with every one and we were all fucking about
then there was an accident involving me and one of my mates
and i couldn't breathe
i couldn't remember the impact of it all, but i remeber just after it happened
hitting the floor, looking up at everyone
the realising that i couldn't breathe
the horror on my friends faces
i screamed using the last of the air in my lungs how i couldn't breathe
i remember being on my knees trying to get up
then i blacked out fr a short while, well i dunno if it was cos i was fucking blacked out,
then the next thing i remember was being carried by gary and james
i couldnt breathe properly
i couldn't through my mouth
but if i did it slow through my nose i could get some air in
i remember gary saying "dont worry paul its gonna be ok, we'll get u 2 my house" saing that as him and james sprinted with me out of the gates
and i thopught i was going to die
i just rember them laying me on the fencse as they climbed over, i cant rember the rest untill we got to garys
which funnily enough ( well i didnt laugh) when i started breathing properly again
my windpipe had reopened
then i was sitting on his door step, having a drink of water whilst garys mum was quereying what was wrong with me
gary sed that i fell off of a climbing frame
i wish
that wouldnt have been so bad
so as i was breathing again properly we went back over and carried on what we were doing
they went over to the wood chippings as i sat over by the school on my own for a bit
i had a bit of a cry, it was bad, a real bad feeling that i thought i was going to die and the shock of it all,
then i got a phone call from my mum and dad, they said that they were going out,
that made me feel really sad, cos all i wanted was to go home to my mum and dad, cos i was feeling really bad
and the feeling that they werent there upset me more
so a little while afterwood
micheal and gary came over with a bottle of fanta
i pretended i wasn't crying as you do
i hate crying in front of ppl
and the i just joined back in
that was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me
i have never told anyone abut it, cos it saddens me to remember it
the only ppl that new about it were the ppl that were there present
im sure it has scared them as it has me
i wish i would stop feeling like this
i dont want to feel like this
i need to be saved
i need to be pulled away from the flames

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