explode

10:03 a.m. 2005-01-26

today has already started off bad,
i was just in the middle of writing a really big diary entry inwhich this one will replace and my computer crashed so i didnt get to finish it,
i am in the second lesson of my 3 ict lessons of the day, and they are really take thier toll, but iam nearly finished my website wich is getting on well.
i then have acoountsa, which is boring as shit, and then a stupid fucking football match for palmers,
yes i know its my fault, i could have just said no but no at the time i was up for it
but today is cold, very cold, and i dont want to run around a football pitch for an hour and ahalf, but hey i may get subbed which will be a bonus, or i might get taken out and have to go to hospital cos ive fucked my self up,
i havnt played football for ages, i just havnt been in the mood for it, i have missed like 25 games lessons, and i have only gone to like 4
i am so out of touch with it,
i am on the right wing aparantly which is a fucking tough job, for someone who is not fit and out of shape,
today is going to be really shit,the people i actually want to talk to i wont get to,
if gary playing in todays game in which danny said we was going to get him to i dunno if i will talk to him,
i do want to, i really do, but now its weired,
i ddidnt want it to end up like this but now what can i do,
theres other people i want to talk to but i just dont seem to know what to say when i want to go up to them, it seems like i can only talk to them on line, its so much easyier like that,
whilst i have been writing this i have listened to a number of songs, 'a whole new world' from aladdin, idlers dream by oiasis, alchohlic by star sailor, story of a girl/absolute by nine days and ampsterdam by coldplay,
yes you may think i am a slow typer listening to all of the in this small entry,
well i am,
i wasup till about 1 oclock last night playing my guitar very softly so it wouldnt wake anyone up,
i wrote anoither song lastnight, not the one i did on my previous entry, well i suppose i wrote 2 last night then, but a new one, which i have called
'to be someone '
i think it is quite good but i bet it would get mixed reviews from people if i play it to them,
it seems like all the people that i play my songs to like the wrong ones
i mean smile is a good song, but that is the one everyone likes, they dont even bother listening to the other stuff, except from scott who has got the rest of my stuff i gave himm on his mp3 player which is pretty cool
no they seem to just say, smile is your best song, which makess me so angry!
it is good but my other stuff is better, better musically and better lyrically, well that is my 0own opion
which to me doesnt mean a lot,
but the girls who heard my stuff dont seem to bother listening to the ballads, the slow stuff, cos they just switch off, not that any of them know that my songs are really about them, not that they'll find out,
i think i may be getting back into my songwritting state of mind, at one point i had wrote about 15 songs in a week, and most of them were good,
then i went down hill and was only writing like one song a week,
and for some period of time i have been writing one every so foten and they have been shit
i need inspirado, and at the momment i think i hAVE IT
cos i am sad i can write loads of sad songs,
which is good cos i have lots of new ressed even more and more material but i will get sadder and sadder

somwe one lift me out of this hole


if you reading this
anyone anwhere any tim eyou will notice that their is a lot of grammical erros and spelling mistakes
thats because i am rushing to do this
aand also cos i ams dunce at english i bearly got as c at GCSE

sorry

shit this has taken me 3o mins to do!!


sorry

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