yea, i remember now,
it was only a few days ago that things like this fell out of my head, but no, its quite clear now,
and no worrying needed, i'm sure it wont take long for this to be down,
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sitting around all day, not really doing much, kind of gives you room to think, but so does a lot of tings really, i mean when i'm at work, and i'm not fully thinking, like i'm putting stuff out on shelves, then lots of tings go through my mind, but if i'm actually concentrating on things, like doing paper work, then obviously that doesnt happen
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i did something today that i havnt really done for a long time,
i sat and watched TV, basically had an easy day,
but during my sitting on the sofa, or at the computer lots of things went through my head,
and i dont like it,
today should not be an easy day, its one of my days off of work, i shouldnt be sitting round the house doing nothing, but i am,
thats because theres nothing else to do
nothing ever happens
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its nearly been two months, not far off at all,
but two months is all that long of a time,
and it definitly feel like less than that,
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i'm fucked off, i'm really fucked off, and i'm angry, i'm angry at myself
i knew this would happen, it was easy to spot on the horizon, and also, well its just....happens, its a part of life,
but it makes me so angry,
its hard to adapt to these sorts of things because they are forign,
its change,
change, apparantly can be a good thing, and it probably will be a good thing in the long run
but i dont care about the long run,
i care about now
now is fucking shit
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it wasnt that long ago that, that i was needed,
that i was someone to come to,
and yes things have changed, situations have changed,
and it cant be helped,
but i'm still the same person! whether you are or not,
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agh fuck sake i give up, i'm never going to be able to say what i actually mean,
i have a rather bitter taste in my mouth

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