i'm finding it imensly hard to pretend i am ok with things,
i normally give that impression
most of the time, if it comes down to it, i just say "give a shit"
but there is always the element of pain
now, as more and more things get piled on top of me, its hard to find the right way to react to the things,
one way was to talk to people about things, it helps me get things off of my chest, but at the same time it makes me sound like a moany old bastard
acting, acting is the usual tacktic i take, just look away at things, or pretend i havnt heard something,
most of the time it works,
it still repeats over and over in my head, but that all, no one gets to see that when its all in my head.
i wouldnt want anyone to see me upset, its out of my character,
but recently its just been the way things have gone
this easter break has not started off well at all
talking to people about thier problems with thier relationships or boyfriend and girlfriends, really gets me down,
i dont say it, but i just think it in my head,
make a comparison between them and me,
its not good,
i then think,
"what have i got to moan about?"
nothing
exactly
i have nothing to moan about, nothing to make me happy, all i have is myself
soon it will be the end as people keep reminding me
and frankly i dont know what i'm going to do, it scares me to tink that in months time, it will all be gone
as for now, i have constantly been re assuming my picture of blending into the background
which i hate doing
and dont know why i do it
its because i'm forgotten
or its not and i'm just a fucking idiot who thinks he is getting forgotten and i am over analysing te situation, in which i feel forgotten
why dont i just shut up

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