strange thoughts are now going through my head, i feel like a right bastard, thinking of the third party member and that is shitty, i deserves a punch for that, it felt good, but it was the feeling that should not exist in this present time, but i kinda carried on because it was the first stint of real happiness for a while, well not happiness, damn i cant say what i mean,
the 1st time in a while that it felt good, that i felt good, that there was someone else around, but shit, i should get beaten up for that, sorry but i couldnt help myself at the time
too many regrets now,
on a different subject i've been searching round my room, and whilst i have been looking i have seen my daft mementoes of things that i had wished could have been, stupidly keeping the pice of paper that meant nothing to her but a lot to me, when now i look at it and also find it is a piece of paper, now actually admitting the fact that i was wrong, not that it was wrong what i've done, becase thats human nature, but wrong to the fact that now i realise what she is really like, and that is a huge dent in time that has been wasted,
if only i had made the most of them days, but no, its gone now and its all i the past, it didnt matter how many years it was and how long it was for, it was wasted,
now every 'next time' seemed to be better, but that wasnt really, cos i am running out of next times now, i dont even think i have the last time now, it probably passed with out me seeing it go, now i just see its footsteps infront of me and the trail it left behind all that time ago, it is going to go all oh too quickly, and then i will have to completely start again, and that is not going to be good, because i didnt make the most of my time now,
it would be nice if now i go back to college there b someting round the corner waiting for me instead of me walking on the other side of the road all the time, i dont want to get my hopes up all the time though, because that is the biggest mistake i make,

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